You Don’t Have to Be a Chip Off the Old Block

By James J. Holden

Recently, I was going through our family album. As I did, I noticed a lot of pictures of me and my dad. If he had a rake, I had a toy rake. If he had a wheelbarrow, so did I. I always wanted to be near him. I thought he did no wrong. He was my dad and I wanted to be just like him.

Most young children want to be with their daddy. Any amount of attention he gives them is like a pot of gold. That’s how I was. As I grew older, I saw that the man I had looked up to and modeled myself after was not the man I thought. More than that, he was not the man I wanted to be.

God began to show me how much of a “chip off the old block” I was. I had seen my dad’s actions and decisions leave my entire family ravished and devastated. Then I saw that I had become an abusive man who didn’t respect women. I was a rebellious and deceitful man. I was irresponsible and immature, especially in financial matters. I was a wreck, just like my dad. Realizing all of this made me want change. I had to learn to think, act, talk and live in a whole new way.

I don’t know where you are coming from. Maybe you had a great father, a godly father. I am thrilled if you had this blessing. Maybe you grew up without a father. Maybe you, like me, didn’t have a godly example of a father and you desire to live in a totally different way. Whatever your circumstances, you don’t have to become a man you don’t want to be. God can change you. He can teach you how to live, act, and make better choices than your father made. No man is ever doomed to repeat his father’s mistakes.

You can choose a different way. I did and so did a man in the Bible named Jonathan. He saw the kind of man his father was and decided he didn’t want to be that way. Jonathan became a man with a totally different heart than his father’s. This is evident in three areas we all face: His relationships to God, his family life and his work.

1. Jonathan had a heart for God, his father Saul didn’t.

Saul and Jonathan had different relationships with God. Saul had a surface relationship. He served God selfishly. He only wanted God when he needed something. Saul didn’t want to live according to God’s standards and ways. Saul lived a life of disobedience to God. As a result, God rejected Saul, taking his kingdom from him.

Jonathan’s heart was different. He was committed to God and His will. Jonathan knew God wanted David to replace Saul as king. Normally, Jonathan would inherit his father’s throne. However, he was so in tune with God that he went along with His new plan. Jonathan was so willing to submit to God’s will that he trained and mentored the man who was going to take his place as the king. Anything David knew about leading an army or being a king he learned from Jonathan.

Jonathan loved God and served him even when it cost him. Saul only served God when he wanted something from Him. Jonathan obeyed God no matter what he asked. Saul refused to obey God, and it cost him his throne.

I want this to encourage you. You can develop a heart that is completely different from your father’s. You can develop a strong, mature relationship with God. Jonathan did, and so can you.

2. Jonathan was a family man; Saul wasn’t.

Saul was a horrible example of a family man for Jonathan. He never put his family first. Instead, He used his family as pawns to suit his purposes. Saul was obsessed with killing David. He had no qualms in using his family to do it.

Twice, Saul tried to use his daughter to trap David so he could kill him. He didn’t love or respect his daughters. He used them. As we continue on, we see the same treatment given to Jonathan.

Jonathan confronted his father about his treatment of David. Saul lashed out at his son. Then Saul’s anger was aroused against Jonathan, and he said to him, “You son of a perverse, rebellious woman! Do I not know that you have chosen the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the shame of your mother’s nakedness?” (1 Sam. 20:30, NASB).

How’s that for a loving husband and father? He totally degrades and humiliates Jonathan and his mother. It gets worse.

“Then Saul cast a spear at him to kill him” (1 Sam. 30:33).

Saul tried to murder his own son! He didn’t love Jonathan. He was not a family man. All Saul cared about was himself.

Jonathan was the opposite. He loved his family and wanted to take care of them. He made sure that they were safe and secure. We see this as Jonathan makes a covenant with David. He ensured the safety of his family after David became king. In those days, a new king would have all the former king’s family killed. Jonathan made David promise him that he would not do this. He loved his family and put their safety and needs above his own. This is the heart of a family man.

Like Jonathan, you can become a man who is deeply committed to his family. You can develop a godly heart that is committed to loving, honoring and protecting your family. Jonathan did and so can you.

3. Jonathan was faithful to his job; Saul wasn’t.

Jonathan was the prince of Israel. Saul was the king. These were their jobs. One of Saul’s main jobs as king was to lead his men to war. However, as his sin increased, his effectiveness as a military commander decreased. He wouldn’t fight the enemy.

Jonathan wouldn’t tolerate his father’s inaction. God’s people were being oppressed by a heathen nation. He couldn’t sit by and watch his father’s inaction any longer. He took the fight to the Philistines on his own. His father may have stopped depending on God to fight for him, but Jonathan knew that God could be counted on. He put himself in God’s hands. As a result, Israel experienced a great victory. This was possible because Jonathan knew his responsibilities as the prince, and he boldly did them. He had a different heart than his dad had, and it came shining through in relation to his job. 

I hope this article gives you hope that you aren’t doomed to repeat your father’s mistakes. You can be different. With God’s help and hard work, you can be a godly man, free from the chains of your generational sins. You can become your own man. You can develop a heart that loves and serves God and is committed to submitting to His will. You can begin a new generational pattern of godliness, one in which your children can have pride and will want to follow. You can be known as a worker who is good, loyal and dependable. There is no area of your life that can’t develop the heart of a godly man and succeed. It will take hard work and a willingness to make changes, but in the end it will be worth it. You can get started today.